Say ‘Hi’ to workplace conflict then ask it politely to leave

Capt Alexandre Dutil, 
Chaplain, CANFLTPAC 

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Have you noticed that whatever you do in life, there will always be someone that doesn’t like it? Back when there was a dislike count on YouTube, you could see that even the most benign video could receive between five and ten per cent dislike reactions. Who has the time to dislike a cat video? Whatever the reason is, there will always be people who don’t agree with you.

At some point in your career, you will meet a coworker that you disagree with. This might be based on misjudgement, a bad first impression, or even misalignment of values.  The important thing is that we learn how to deal with frustration caused by colleagues to maintain a professional workplace and feel better at work.

Here are some tips on how to deal with conflict or tension:

1. Don’t let the boiler explode. Don’t accumulate – address what is annoying you as soon as possible. It is normal not to want to confront a problematic situation immediately, but it is not helpful for anyone to ignore an ongoing problem.
2. Don’t start with a written complaint. Most of the time it’s unnecessary and will add complexity to the issue. However, there are some situations where this is warranted, mentioned below.
3. Start by trying to have a conversation. Stay calm, acknowledge the issue, clarify the situation and, if you must criticize, be critical of the actions and not the person.
4. Try to find a solution to the situation. You may even learn a few lessons along the way.
5. Forgive. Asking for forgiveness is not only apologizing but also taking responsibility, showing remorse, and trying to repair the relationship with a promise to not repeat the offence.
6. Don’t give up if communication fails at first. Sometimes you need to have a difficult conversation, and the other party just doesn’t want to or isn’t ready. In those cases, stay calm and use active listening. Try to understand the other side of the issue.
7. Use outside resources. For some, it’s easier to have a difficult conversation in the presence of a facilitator or someone in the Chain of Command. Support from Integrated Complaint and Conflict Management (ICCM) is also available for when one might be unsure how to proceed.
8. Issue a written complaint when it’s an ongoing problem and other solutions have failed. Also, use this when the event is affecting multiple members.

If everything else fails, sometimes the only option left is to look inward and change yourself. Simply let go and move on. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but the way you live it is up to you.